You’re in church. You’re standing, eyes closed, head lifted. Maybe your hands are raised as the congregation sings a beautiful hope-filled song of worship to God.

how great is our God, sing with me…

You open your eyes slightly, and they drift down to your purse, where you see a familiar light illuminate the inside of your bag. Your phone. Who’s texting you? Ah, never mind! We have another verse left of “How Great Is Our God” to sing before you can check your phone without it being painfully obvious that you’re reading your messages. You glance up.

how great is our God, all will see…

The worship leader sure has nice teeth. You wonder how she gets them that white. Surely it cant be only by brushing, with all her tweets about how much she loves coffee. Didn’t you get a groupon in your email this morning from a teeth-whitening place? You should check it out.

name above all names, worthy of all praise…

You press your eyes together. Maybe if you squeeze hard enough your focus will return back to God. But then you realize the song has ended, and worship is over. You take your seat and covertly check your texts.

Sound familiar? If you’re a guy, maybe the purse part doesn’t. But does this distraction-ridden worship ring a bell to you? If we’re being completely honest here, it probably does. In a world where our attention spans are daily being shortened by our fast-paced, information-laden surroundings, it can be very difficult to devote time to thinking only of God. In a world where we are constantly taking in information and processing it, it can be challenging, or maybe even impossible to still our minds enough to give praise to God over a 20-30 minute time of worship.

Recently, I found my mind wandering frequently during worship. I’m a worship leader, so it’s very important that I stay engaged in what is going on in our time of worship so that I can help escort people into God’s presence. Being a worship leader means that you have to go in first so that others can follow you, so it’s kinda important to be on the ball. But leading worship at church isn’t my only assignment there, so in the middle of our songs, I found myself increasingly distracted by worries about other parts of the service, or concerns about whether this or that element of the service would run smoothly. Pretty soon, my thoughts became devoted to distraction. It became so easy for me to give my entire mind over to thoughts that had nothing to do with the beauty or excellency of God, the One whom everyone else around me was worshiping. I suffered spiritual attention deficit disorder, my mind flitting from one random concern or thought to another.

This bled into my personal times of worship at home. I’d have time with God and fight every second to keep my thoughts on Him instead of myriad other concerns, small or large. I asked God earnestly to help me focus on Him. And very quickly, He showed me something that I want to share with those of you who might be experiencing the same thing.

Just as how when you face struggles in your thought life you must take every thought captive and make it obey, you may have to do the same in worship:

2 Corinthians 10:4-5
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…

Joyce Meyer wrote a now-classic book called “The Battlefield of the Mind.” In it, she makes a very simple but profound statement: You have to think about what you think about if you want to get victory in your thought life. If you want change in the way you think, you can’t let thoughts that contradict God’s word zoom through your head at their leisure, or they will overrun your life. You have to be cognizant of them and pull them down, one by one, and destroy them individually. It’s hard work, but eventually you get victory in your thought life.

The same goes for worship. That time, whether together with your church family or alone in your room, is more than just singing the newest song or listening to a hipster v-neck-wearing guitar player shred on the solo. It’s more than getting goose bumps when the worship leader sings up an octave or riffs all over the place. Our worship is a sacred space. It’s a set-apart time when we have the opportunity to get heart-to-heart with the Living God. It’s a time of quiet thankfulness and sometimes raucous rejoicing. It’s His time, and renegade distracting thoughts aren’t welcome. If you struggle with distraction during worship, there’s a solution. Take the unwelcome thoughts captive. When tempted to let your mind wander (or if it happens before you even realize it), correct yourself quickly and refocus immediately on God. Do it over and over and over again, as many times as you get distracted. If you have to do it a lot, don’t get discouraged! As you take thoughts captive and make them obey, they will do it on their own, eventually, and you’ll find it easier to focus on the Lord during worship.

I’ve been doing this faithfully for some time and now find it easier to enter into and stay in an attitude of worship.

Do you find it hard to concentrate in worship? How do you fight worship ADD to keep your attention on God? I’d love to hear your input in the comments below.

If you think the people in your world are pretty easy-going, go-with-the-flow-type people, then I dare you to go on facebook the day after the administrators make a change to the format.

People freak out.

Seriously. Scroll through the statuses immediately after a change, and the majority of them are something to the effect of “Facebook changed again?! I can’t figure out how to ______” The funniest status updates are from the ones who are angry at facebook for changing. How can you be angry at a website that’s completely free, in which your particpation is completely optional?

Back to my point. The truth is, most of us like to know what to expect. There’s not too many of us that love being blindsided by change. Routine is nice. It’s comfortable. Even the most spontaneous person can admit that knowing that when you wake up in the morning you’re going to have a source of income and shelter is really, undeniably great.

A lot of times life can throw us curve balls. We are asked to take on a project we feel ill-equipped to manage. We are faced with a sudden loss of income. We’re at the tipping point of what we can handle, and then one more task gets assigned to us, making us feel like our life is about to spiral out of control. That thing we were counting on coming through to make everything better doesn’t happen. The previously perfect picture of our life is drastically tweaked by unexpected circumstances. Sound familiar?

The other day I felt a little overwhelmed. I work at a church, and let me tell ya, Macy’s ain’t the only place that gets crazy-busy during the holidays! During December we kick into high-gear, planning and producing events, productions, and ways to help and bless people through the Christmas season. It’s all really good, but it can sometimes feel like there’s no possible way to accomplish all there is to do! As I was feeling overwhelmed, I began to pray that God would lessen the load. It was something to the effect of “I can’t handle any more!”, kind of desperate, and maybe even one of those pity party prayers. As I prayed, I felt the Holy Spirit correct me about what I’d said to Him. What I didn’t need was less work or a lighter load – what I needed was more capacity to take on and carry the things that were assigned to me.

I think we can all agree that there’s really not going to be much downtime in our future. Life never gets slower. Apart from one or two weeks of vacation each year (or, if you’re a teacher or student, you get like 50 weeks of vacation and I’m super jealous of you), we never get a true break. There will always be projects, jobs, missions, checklists, assignments, and things to accomplish. Even when you’re off work, there are always things to juggle, between family, household affairs, and the like. At 30 years old, I hate to think that what I’m handling right now is all I’m capable of and that I’ve hit my limit. It’s sad to think of someone peaking at thirty. I want to be able to manage more, and manage it better, in 10 years than I do now. In 10 years, God is going to be doing new, bigger things in His church and on the earth, and I want to be a part of it! I’ve got things to do, baby! I don’t want to be accomplishing & managing less! I want more!

In that time of prayer, I changed what I was asking God. Instead of asking Him to lighten the load, I began to ask Him to increase my capacity, to stretch me and change me so that I was able to take on everything that was assigned to me. I asked God to give me the blessing, strength, energy, and mental acuity to manage all that was on my plate now, and all that would be on my plate in the future. How dare I ask for less!

There are a million little caveats to what I’m talking about that I could go into, regarding having balance in life, micromanaging tasks and people, burnout, and boundaries, but that’s a blog for another day because that would make this super-long and you’d stop reading out of boredom. However, if you feel overwhelmed or exhausted by change, let me encourage you. Everything you need to face what’s in front of you can be found IN CHRIST. Lean in to Him. No, you probably can’t handle everything on your own. But you can take it, and more, when you trust in Him open yourself to all He has for you. You were made for more, not less!

1 Chronicles 4:10 – Jabez prayed to the God of Israel, “Please bless me and give me more territory. May your power be with me and free me from evil so that I will not be in pain.” God gave him what he prayed for.

Give us more territory, Lord! Give us more capacity!

I started 2011 with a 37-day media fast, which stirred in me the desire to read again.  Prior to this year, I could count on one hand the number of books I’d read between graduating college and now.  As a kid, I loved to read.  In grade school, I was the Pizza Hut Book-It champ!  In fact, to this day, I can’t drive past a Pizza Hut without compulsively looking for my free pizza certificate and craving a personal-pan pizza.  College burned me out on reading, so now, finally, after many years, 2011 has been a year of reading for me.  I’ve written here about one book I recommend, but I thought I’d just take a few minutes to recommend some books I’ve read this year.  Some of these books are by no means new, they’re just new to me.   Here are my votes on the best of the best:

BEST DEVOTIONAL – Message Solo New Testament

This is a daily devotional based on a method of reading scripture called lectio divina (fondly called by me soli deo gloria, because I can never remember lectio divina).  It involves reading a passage, immersing yourself in it, really basking in it, thinking about it, exploring all facets of it, and quieting yourself to really hear what God is saying.  It is NOT a daily one-page feel-good writing designed to encourage you.  It IS a selection from the New Testament that helps your probe your heart and respond to what God is saying.  It’s the ONLY devotional I can endorse as one I’ve actually stuck with.  I feel that because of this devo, my time with God is QUALITY.  I don’t just read and walk away and forget what I read.  P.S. I got this free in the Kindle store, so, SCORE!!!!!!

BIGGEST EYE-OPENER – Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust by Immaculee Ilibagiza

This book opened my eyes to the tragic events in the Rwandan civil war, a horrible conflict between the Hutu and Tutsis, in which almost an entire people group was slaughtered.  Prior to reading this book, I had little understanding of this major event in world history. This is the story of a woman who survived the entire war hiding in a small bathroom with seven other women and children, hearing her family, friends, and community members (all Tutsis) killed from the tiny bathroom window, and her miraculous rescue.  After reading this book, I realized the evil that can exist in the human heart, and also realized the hope and perseverance that can rise in even the most contrary of circumstances.

BIGGEST LIFE-CHANGER –  Honor’s Reward by John Bevere

I read this book last May as research for a series we did at City of Life Church called “Honor Code,” and the words of this book still continue to shape the way I think and challenge my attitude about authority and those surrounding me.  Honor is a lacking value in our American culture, and it seems that the lost message of honor is one that’s been resounding in the body of Christ in 2011, as I’ve heard of hundreds of churches teaching on this principle this year alone.  Don’t read this book if you don’t want your life to be radically challenged.  It will hurt, but implementing its message will bring great blessing to your life and open your heart to God!

BEST BEACH READ – Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

This is a book about how Steve Martin got started in comedy.  Random, huh?  I actually have NO IDEA why I bought this book.  I think it was a late-night fluke during my media fast when I was really bored and needed something, ANYTHING, to read.  Maybe  my finger slipped in the Kindle store – who knows.  It’s not like I’ve ever seen any of Steve Martin’s films other than Father of the Bride.  I don’t have a poster of “The Jerk” on my bedroom wall or anything.  I guess I’ve seen him guest-host SNL a few times, but that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge of him before reading this book, which was funny, surprising, endearing, and really made me respect this pioneer of comedy.  Steve Martin is a creative genius, and as an aspiring creative myself, I think it’s good to study other creative people.

Well, I could go on and on, but I think this is enough for you to start with.  Pick up any of these books and I promise you’ll grow or be entertained or be challenged or ALL of the above.  Happy reading!

When I think of Superwoman, I think of Michelle Duggar. If you don’t know this woman, she and her family are the stars of TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting.”  She and her husband Jim Bob (yes, he has two first names) have decided to have as many children as the Lord will give them, truly illustrating the biblical view, “Children are a blessing from the Lord.” (They are REALLY REALLY blessed.)

People have a lot of opinions about the Duggars. In fact, after their last baby was born premature with complications, the media screamed headlines of shock at the fact that, upon interview, the Duggars said they’d be happy if God gave them another baby.

The Duggars face a lot of criticism from the press. Even though they can afford to have 19 kids because of  the success of Jim Bob’s various entrepreneurial ventures, and despite the fact that they raise their family with great morals in a Christian home, teaching them integrity and character,  the media has a problem with this family. They are generally regarded as backwards in their beliefs and irresponsible for continually adding to their family.

I, however, think they’re great.  Every time I watch their show I am astounded at the grace and patience with which Michelle Duggar manages her family.    She spends her days sowing into her children, teaching them (yup, she home schools), feeding them (she cooks for an army each day), and instilling Christian values into them (the Duggars are NOTHING if not God-centered).  This is a woman who, given the skills she requires to manage her family of 21, could EASILY manage a large corporation.

There’s an old episode of Seinfeld where Jerry, Kramer, Elaine, and George are in a restaurant and look at the next booth over.  They see people that look almost like them, act almost like them, but aren’t them.  They call this almost-Jerry “Bizarro Jerry.” I think Michelle Duggar appeals to me because I like to think I’m like the bizarro version of her.  Somewhere deep inside, I feel like I have all the makings of a Michelle Duggar, but instead of using all her skills to raise kids and be a great wife, I’m the version of her that became a career woman.  I’d like to think that, if my life had taken a different turn and I had married and started cranking out babies immediately post-high-school, I’d be exactly like her, managing a huge family with grace and fun and spirituality…

But instead of making massive quantities of tater-tot casserole, I plan logistics efforts, write e-mails, plan parties, lead worship, and organize single mom’s ministry events.  I am bizarro Michelle Duggar. Except without the high bangs, high necklines, and high number of offspring.

Basically, we’re nothing alike, except in the fact that we both do stuff.  And this is the point in the blog that I  express the fact that I just really love Michelle Duggar and note that the paragraphs you’ve just read did not prove my thesis and were basically a waste of your time.  Sorry.

Right now we’re in the middle of “Blink” season at City of Life Church.  If you’re not familiar with Blink, let me give you a quick rundown.  Basically, Blink is the creative brainchild of my pastor, boss, and friend Jeffrey Smith. It mixes movie, live theater, dance, special effects, and more into an experience that basically leads the viewer to a choice between eternity in heaven or hell.  It draws record crowds each year that it is performed, and this year is no different.  Last year we saw about 15,000 guests on property over a two-week period, and 7,000 salvations.  This year, we will see as many guests and salvations, and definitely 2000+ baptisms.  If you live in Central Florida, you HAVE to see it.  Actually, if you live ANYWHERE (hey, that’s you!), get here via plane, train, subway, taxi and see it.  Honestly.  Pastors, ministry people, come see it.  It’ll change the way you think about ministry!

I have directed the logistics teams for Blink for the past two years.  I remember last year, after dealing with an especially unruly crowd, going on few hours of sleep and completely drained, sitting in the back room at church trying to get my energy up during the show so I could go out and help direct people at the end.  All I could see was the work that surrounded me… it was more than one person could handle, and I was overwhelmed, to say the least – at my breaking point is more of an accurate description.  As I sat down with my co-worker Justin, he asked how it was going.  At that point, I began to sob.  In the middle of all the work, my aching body, my muddled thoughts, I realized something.  ”As crazy as things are,” I said, “As overwhelming as things are, I believe that someday, we’ll look back and realize these were the BEST days of our lives.”

I learned something important last year.  The truth is, a move of God rarely FEELS like a move of God when you’re in the middle of it, especially on a logistics end.  When you’re working hard with a team to put systems in place and troubleshoot serious issues (issues that corporations with the same problems would pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in consulting fees to solve), it’s hard to think of the thousands of souls that are being hand-delivered the message of the Gospel.  It’s hard to comprehend the awesomeness of 700+ people standing and moving toward a stage to accept Christ.  All we can see is the process of how we’ve planned for them to get to point A to point B to point C with response card AND PEN in hand.  And oh, THE PENS!!!!!!!!!!!!

At some point, you have to step back and realize a few things:

1.  The reason we do what we do is for souls, period.   A well-organized ticketing staff or a champion usher team is great, sure.  But a well-organized ticketing staff and a champion usher team that has a heavenly perspective is unstoppable.  I’m talking about people who realize the value of every soul they serve and who feel the purpose behind what they do, whether the job is repeatedly pointing toward a parking lot for three hours or cooking hamburgers for sale at concessions. Heavenly perspective is essential, because that’s God’s perspective.

2.  When you least feel like doing stuff is when you need to push through and do it.  I’m finding this more and more.  My feelings are often my worst enemy, and if I let them guide what I do, they will rob me of some of the most important ministry moments.  If you follow your feelings, you will miss out.  Period.  Sure, it FEELS better to catch up on your tivo instead of being out in the rain helping people get in line on a Blink night.  But when you put aside what you feel or want in order to serve God, you get heavenly rewards AND the earthly satisfaction of seeing God use you!  Tivo rewards = nonexistent.  I am convinced that the times when serving is easy or enjoyable actually don’t earn you too much in heaven, because they require little faith!  But when you push through your feelings and determine in your heart to serve with a great spirit and a “whatever-it-takes” attitude, that’s when your heavenly rewards are like “cha-ching!!!”  I’m living for eternity, how about you?

3.  There is no better way to spend your self than serving in the kingdom.  I heard someone make a great point – Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr, and any other great man or woman in history had the same number of hours in a day that you do.  We all have 24, but what we do with them is our choice.  We each have the day to spend how we wish.  You are spending yourself right now, being totally encouraged and challenged by this blog (hehe), and I am spending myself right now writing it.  We spend ourselves eating, sleeping, working, being with our family, watching Jersey Shore, listening to Beyonce, twittering, making weird YouTube comments, etc.  When I stand before God, having a life that’s been spent, I want to know that the best parts of me have been given away by serving people, loving people, and building the kingdom of God.  I want to go to heaven totally exhausted, with the best of me given away!  How about you?

The purpose of all I’ve written here is just to encourage you to have an eternal perspective on your role in whatever area you serve in your local church.  You may not get applause, or thank you’s, or appreciation.  Your job may not be glamorous (most aren’t) and may seem menial.  Or maybe it’s so big that the weight of it is crushing.  Know that the audiences of heaven are cheering you on, and if you quiet yourself, you just may be able to hear them, chanting your name, encouraging you to work and serve with excellence in this short wisp of life you’ve been given!  What you do now is determining your eternity.  It’s worth it.  These are the best days of your life. Live them well.

Today I got a dog. Now before you ask me if I’m smoking crack, I feel the need to explain myself. If you’d have asked me a year ago if I wanted a dog, I would have asked YOU if you were smoking crack. I don’t love animals much, in general. My life is crazy. I work long hours. I’m rarely home. When I AM home, it didn’t sound appealing to me to have to take care of another being.

But lately, the idea of having something to come home to has become very appealing. Up until now it was never an ordeal to work a 14-hour day, to leave home in the morning, stay all day and evening, and go home to sleep and the wake up and do it all over again. What did I have to come home to aside from my empty house, vacant couch, and freezer full of 97-cent Totino’s pizzas? (Yes I have a diet similar to an elementary school student.) All a dog represented was an obligation, an unwanted responsibility.

But something changed in me a few weeks ago. I realized something: it’s ok for me to have a life. Even though I don’t have a husband or kids (and some of my mommy friends will laugh after reading this because I’m single and haven’t a clue about the level of sacrifice or responsibility that their lives require) but I constantly put my life last priority to everything else. Don’t get me wrong- I do it gladly! I chose my life. There is no other way I’d rather spend my days than working in ministry. But my world has become sorely out of balance. Opening my home to a little dog means making my home life a priority after consistently putting my personal life on the back burner. And the way this dog came to be a part of my world is nothing short of a blessing from God.

Anyways, enough explanation and over-analysis from me. Welcome Molly, a four-year-old Maltese new addition to my world!

I’m obsessed with these three songs right now:

NEVER ONCE by Matt Redman

ALL I NEED by Rita Springer

SHOW ME YOUR GLORY by Jesus Culture

I think that every woman probably has a timeline in their mind of the dates by which they expect events in their lives to occur.  Graduate high school around 17 or 18.  Start college immediately, sometime during those four years meet the man of your dreams, graduate college by 22, get married in the spring, start career immediately afterward.  Achieve wild success and acclaim by peers in selected career.  Make significant amounts of money in desired field.  Have a baby or two, raise them into amazingly talented, intelligent, successful adults, empty nest, retire at 55, and they lived happily ever after, END SCENE.

But sometimes, that timeline isn’t the one that God has for us.  Sometimes things don’t go in the expected sequence.  Maybe something diverts us from attending college like we’d wanted.  We take up a career we never intended to pursue.  Maybe Mr. Right doesn’t reveal himself during our college years and we’re left watching Pride & Prejudice on the Oxygen network with no one but the Little Caesar as our company way many more Friday nights than we’d care to admit.

Today, I turned 30.  I know your eyebrows probably hit the ceiling in disbelief.  Listen, honey, I know I don’t look a day over 21, so I’m sorry to rock your world with the news of my age.  But yes, I’m thirty.  I’ve lived for three entire decades.  And, I’ve approached this birthday with a lot of fear.  Thirty seems like a huge milestone.  THREE WHOLE DECADES.  Surely that’s enough time to make every dream in one’s heart come true? My fear has stemmed from the fact that there are a lot of things that I’d hoped to have accomplished by this birthday that haven’t happened.  (I’m not going to enumerate those things in this blog because to do so would make me focus on the things that I haven’t achieved yet, and I’d rather approach this day with a heart of gratitude instead of a heart of ungratefulness.)  But you get what I’m saying right?  Within my mind exists an internal checklist that has been driving me mad with its many empty, unchecked boxes.

Something I’ve had to come to terms with over the last few weeks before my birthday is that people don’t have a “Use By” date like eggs or bread or milk does.  The promises of God and the prophetic words that have been spoken over my life don’t have an expiration date.   As I’ve approached 30, I’ve had the secret fear that, because I haven’t reached certain goals in my life or achieved certain things for God I’d hoped to, maybe He would pass me by and pick someone younger, with less eye wrinkles and even less life experience, to use.  But it’s not true.  God doesn’t look at age like we do.  He’s not driven by the pressures of a youth-obsessed culture.  He has a perfect timeline for my life and your life, and our individual timelines are unique.   “As for God, HIS way is perfect…” (Psalm 18:30).  God uses old and young, He works through people regardless of age, and he doesn’t retire people just because their jobs do.  I think about my niece’s horse, Patches, who my family rescued from a horse farm after he was literally “put out to pasture” to fend for himself because he had equine emphysema.  He was no longer useful to his owner, so he was left out in the field, neglected and alone.  God doesn’t put us out to pasture.  Our value  as followers of Jesus isn’t in our youth, or lack thereof, and it never expires.  Every year that is added to our lives can be another year of experiencing His faithfulness, His perfecting work in our lives, His voice of correction, affirmation, and instruction.

I won’t say I feel great about hitting this milestone, mostly because it took so long to light all the candles on my cake that there was a significant amount of wax on the frosting by the time the song had been sung and the flames blown out.  Waxy frosting just doesn’t taste great.  However, I’m learning not to freak out.  God is the author of my biography.  And maybe what I’ve been waiting for isn’t going to happen for a few more chapters.  But every page is numbered with his faithful hand.  And every page is worth reading.  

On January 1, I, along with the every other woman in all of creation at the advent of a new year, decided to start a diet.  I had a simple goal – to lost 30 pounds by my 30th birthday (something I affectionately call 30by30).  My 30th birthday is July 16th, so I figured that’d give me plenty of time, in the event that my efforts were derailed a few times, I took a few too many trips to Abuelos, etc.

Well, yes, I was derailed a few times.  Ok, a few times, for like weeks at a time.  In January, I joined Weight Watchers.  I’d do really, really good, lose ten pounds or so, but then the bonds of friendship would force me to commiserate with a great friend’s personal loss through the communal sharing of Olive Garden breadsticks (or chips & queso, whatever).  Or then I would go out of town or have something weird happen and it would disrupt the awesome little eat-right-and-exercise routine I had set for myself and it’d feel impossible to get back on the right track again .

And then… EASTER.  In the frantic, work-filled weeks leading up to church’s very first arena-sized Easter service, my coworkers and I were so busy that often two out of three meals each day consisted two fun-size bags of fritos that were pilfered from a work storage closet.

SUFFICE IT TO SAY that I still want to lose 30 pounds by my 30th birthday.  However, like all good things I’ve ever committed do, I have procrastinated to the last possible minute, giving myself no fewer than 73 days to reach my goal.  And yes, internet, I’m telling you all about it so that the possibility of public shame at not meeting my goal will keep me away from potatoes and bread.

So.  Thirty pounds.  I’m coming for you.  I’m not taking any weird pills, or doing any strange carb-free crash diets or anything weird.  I will lose these thirty pounds if it KILLS me, doing it the old fashioned way: healthy diet and exercise and miserableness.

So hey if I’m in a bad mood until July 16 you know it’s because I really need an enchilada.

That is all.